Happy Birthday, Mom

Most people that know me are aware that I lost my Mom over 16 years ago to breast cancer. I was a few weeks shy of 17 and as an only child, I think it's safe to say we were pretty close. I realized, however that while losing her is such a part of who I am, most of the people in my everyday life didn't actually know my Mom and it's often so hard for me to explain who I am without having known her.

My Mom wasn't the warm and cuddly bake cookies type and was far from perfect, but she was mine. The few times I remember her actually baking cookies, I'm 99% sure she burned them. She did can some tasty jams and I regret not paying more attention to the process now that I want to learn to can myself! Born and raised in Cambridge (don't say Boston, you WOULD be corrected), it was best to close your eyes when she drove and her sharp, sarcastic tongue with a dose of salty language kept you on your toes. I'm pretty sure she made most of my friends nervous as she was not one to suffer fools and had no problem saying so. Her and my dad had me reading at an early age and I have great memories of regular trips to Cambridge and Boston not only to see my grandparents, but to go shopping in the city and explore museums, whether it was the Harvard glass flower exhibits or the grounds of the Isabella Stewart Gardner. 

When asked by some friends who have suffered some pretty horrific losses recently about how I coped and if it gets easier, I only can say that the pain never goes away, you just get used to living with it.  In the years since losing Mom, I have had an amazing support network of friends and family.  I have an awesome Dad that took me prom dress shopping (Betsey Johnson in Boston, naturally), an incredibly accepting and kind Step-Mom,  Aunts and a Mother-In-Law that have all stepped in when I've truly needed a mom's perspective and friends, good lord I have amazing friends. All that still doesn't stop the unexpected tears when a Grateful Dead song comes up on my playlist and to this day, a passing waft of Chanel 5 can stop me in my tracks.  With Silas, there are so many questions and stories I would love to hear that there was no way my 16 year old brain would have known to ask and that sucks more than you can imagine. 

As we move into our new house and start our life here in Colorado,  I wouldn't trade the life I have with a great Tall Guy and a perfect son for anything and I can only hope my Mom would be proud of the decisions I've made that has brought me here. 

All that said, on what would be her 63rd birthday, I just want you to know how much I miss you,  Mom.